Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
