So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
