i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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