david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize