I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
