he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
