this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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