i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
