Hey man sorry I got all grabby
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
