"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
