Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
