Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker