I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"