yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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