Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Sober January is a disaster.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.