Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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