so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
