Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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