im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
