At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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