Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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