i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
