I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
