Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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