Plan B is the new Plan A
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
