we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
