Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
