i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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