I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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