I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
