i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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