i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
