lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
