Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
