oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
