where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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