Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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