Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
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I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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