Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
