I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
