Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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