I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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