Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Are we still banned from the library?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
