I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she told me i tasted like america
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
