I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
