You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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