I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
