More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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