He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
