So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
