she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
