i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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