then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So much rum. So many feels.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
