she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I can't put those talents on a resume
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The Olympian is in my bed
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
