I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
