the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
