Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
