He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
