You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
