How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
