yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
