Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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