New invention idea: vibrating tampons
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
