I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
