the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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