Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
