so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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